Women's Connect Groups

At the beginning of the year, as I was just stepping into my deaconness role, I learned that the pastors had assigned me to the Women’s Ministry. I wasn’t sure where to start with it, so I was thankful for Deaconness Laura who had previously overseen the Women’s Ministry and referred me to reach out to a couple of sisters who had shared some good ideas with her. I was curious to hear what these sisters had perceived as needs for the women in our church, but I had never met either of them and two years of remote working have made me so socially awkward. I went into these meetings just hoping that I would not completely scare them away! Well, I was definitely awkward, but Lauren and Lydia were so warm and welcoming and their excitement was so contagious!

Lauren and I bonded over our passion for youth ministry and both being business majors from east coast schools. Although we were meeting about women's ministry, I was unexpectedly able to tap into her UI/UX expertise for a side project I was working on (thanks, Lauren!).

Lydia and I met over coffee and as she shared about her children, I immediately remembered that her son was recently baptized. P. Justin asked the covenant members to commit to support her and her husband as they raise their son in the Word. I recall writing down the names of her family members in my notes because I thought, 'If I'm going to make a commitment like that to a family I've never met, I better at least remember their names!' Little did I know that I would be connecting with the very same Lydia just a few weeks later!

These two very different women in two separate meetings birthed the very same idea for Women's Connect Groups. In retrospect, I am able to see how we were living out this idea in real-time. We may never have talked to each other if Deaconess Laura had not suggested it. Having a reason and shared interest in Women’s Ministry gave us a reason to meet, but as we spent time getting to know each other, we found so many other points we connected on and ways our lives intersected. What we intended for "business” meetings, the Lord intended as divine appointments.

Our prayer is that you are able to connect with new friends and share life together just like this through a Women's Connect Group! We encourage you to complete the fun questionnaire to be paired up with one or two other women with similar interests, geographical location, etc., to form new connections at church!

Satisfying Love - Gospel Revolution

The overall theme of this year’s Gospel Revolution stirred that deep place in my heart where the words of God’s love constantly reside. My own faith journey has had its tribulations and its plateaus, but the beckoning to return to his love was prompted once again. The second night’s highlight on communion was impactful and fitting as I had been contemplating and encountering this holy experience of drawing near to God. Pastor Owen illustrated the scene of the table of the first Lord’s Supper with his disciples. He loved them and welcomed them with full acceptance; yet, he knew that right after the meal, they would desert him. Peter was bold enough to declare with certainty that he would never betray him, but he did three times. This was such a clear depiction of how fleeting our devotion is and how lacking I am. The idea that we are welcomed anyway reminded me of that swooping hug that seemed to cover every failure throughout my life with God. 

The following emphasis that night was “the table of satisfaction.” As a young adult in the process of building up my career, philosophies, and values of how to live a righteous life, I find myself constantly ruminating about what is means to live one that is satisfactory. As Pastor Owen was challenging us to consider what things bring and maintain a seemingly fulfilling life, I felt the fragility of all that I had trusted in the past and look to in the future. It nearly felt that I was putting too much weight on all the passing things that God gave me to hold-me over on this fallen earth. My head constantly swivels around seeking comfort in a million different places, and I am met with disappointment when nothing sustains. Yet, a different, more fulfilling kind of satisfaction is offered by God. When Pastor Owen presented the simplicity of coming to the table to dine with him, I reigned in the distant idea of true satisfaction with Him being reserved in heaven. The most profound grace and mercy that I face time and time again is that God offers a glimpse of satisfaction here with contentment fueled by living a life in love with him regardless of how broken things are. The texture of satisfaction changes when we place it on the right things, and I found myself filled with gratitude that God presents this gift to us when it is undeserving. 

Pastor Owen’s vulnerability to share his story about the discipline God enacted in his ministry was refreshing and emulated humility and growth. I know firsthand the difficulty of sharing such tender moments; to do so requires courage and a whole lot of redemption and processing with God to be able to share the places He refined and pruned. With transparency in his testimony, Pastor Owen reiterated the message that the darkest moments in our lives are not due to his absence but to a stronger presence. I recalled that the gut-wrenching moments of my life were the ones that made me more loving and kinder, and they deepened the capacity of my soul to receive the presence of God. Granted, these hard times involved distress and grief, but the process of meaning-making involves these stages that God invites us into to know him and make us more like him. Pastor Owen said towards the end of his message, “Thank God that He plans for us what we don’t plan for ourselves; our plans are to make ourselves happy, but his are to make us holy.” It takes much to be enthusiastic about the unknowns to come this year, but the context in doing it with a God that loves changes the fear and doubt. The weekend of Gospel Revolution took us through what felt like stages of deepening love, but the thread that held it together from beginning to end was the resounding assurance that every moment is one in which God is present and near. To love him means to welcome all that he has to offer in our lives and be willing to join the process he has for us, because it will always be from the Father’s heart. 

Peace in His Presence - Gospel Revolution

Gospel Revolution is Bethel Grace’s annual revival where the congregation gathers to worship and gain a deeper understanding of the gospel. This year, the revival theme was “No Greater Love” from John 15:13, and we had the pleasure of having Pastor Owen preach to us. Through his messages, I was able to reflect and be reminded about what Jesus has done for us because of His love.

In Pastor Owen’s first sermon on Luke 19, we looked at the story of Zacchaeus, who was a greedy tax collector that was disliked by the people around him due to his misdeeds. Jesus touches Zacchaeus’ heart by reaching out to him with love and this leads to Zacchaeus repenting for the sins he committed. Pastor Owen noted that this repentance was the fruit of salvation, not the root of salvation, and I thought that this is so important to understand. Repentance should happen upon already being saved by the grace of God, and my natural response should be to repent out of thankfulness and desire to be like Christ. The beauty of the gospel is that salvation is not something earned by doing things, but is gifted to us through Jesus Christ who died on the cross on our behalf for the sake of our sins because of His love for us. We also see that Zacchaeus calls Jesus “Lord” which shows that money is no longer lord in Zacchaeus’ life. I had to think about the idols in my life that I prioritize over Jesus sometimes, and my heart became repentant.

On the second night of the revival, Pastor Owen spoke about the Last Supper, and about coming to the Lord’s table where we can experience grace, satisfaction, and hope. He then mentioned that grace is for those who are broken, not for the people who have it all together. Some people may feel afraid to come before Jesus because they feel like they are unworthy and dirty. However, it is reassuring to know that God’s grace covers those imperfections. I realize that it’s important to recognize your brokenness so that you can fully experience God’s grace. We see in Mark 13, before the last supper, Judas betrays Jesus for money which is contrasted by the woman who broke the alabaster jar and poured perfume on Jesus’ head. In my head I was thinking about how terrible Judas was, and then Pastor Owen stated that the spirit of Judas also lives within us. Although it may sound extreme, it is terribly true that the same sinful nature is within me. Would I have been able to break the alabaster jar like how the woman did? It is a constant battle between the flesh and spirit, and it’s difficult for me to confidently say that I am completely satisfied to only have Jesus. However, despite my sinfulness, I am grateful that there is hope and redemption at the table of God. As Pastor Owen said, our hope is not to live a great life on earth but to live a great eternal life in Jesus. I want to strive to keep an eternal perspective as I live on this earth. 

The last message about God’s discipline to His people was very refreshing and encouraging to me because it helped me to process what is going on in my life at the moment. Pastor Owen said that God will use our suffering for our good to make us more like Jesus. I found this to be very true in my life in the past when my relationship with God was strengthened as I was experiencing struggles and hardship. However, as I was facing challenges recently, my faith in God began to shake. I realized that in my comfort and complacency, my trust in Him began to fall. Honestly, I couldn’t wholeheartedly agree that God will use suffering for my good because He loves me. But I recalled 1 Corinthians 10:13 that says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” God is a god who is faithful even though I may fail Him, and I want to lay down my burdens and fears to God who will be with me in every part of my life. 

Overall, this revival was a blessing, and it helped me to reassess my walk with God. I was reminded of how much of a broken person that I am, and how much grace God still pours out regardless of my failures. This new year, I am encouraged to deepen my trust in God, and desire to find peace in His presence day by day. My desire is to be stirred by the truth of the gospel, and share the love of Christ to those around me. I pray that He may be the center of my life, and that I would seek strength from Him in times of trouble. May my focus be not on life on this earth but life in heaven.

Gospel Revolution

Near the end of 2021, my spiritual walk with God began to feel very dry. I found it very difficult to worship the Lord with great joy. I began to force myself to pray, read the Word, and worship. However, I could not find a reason for why this was happening in my life. I began to feel emotionally numb and more like a sinner as I distanced myself from God who seemed to have forgotten me. 

I decided to attend this year’s Gospel Revolution, “No Greater Love,” because I wanted to re-experience the love from God that first convicted me to recommit my life for His glory. I thought that if I could be reminded of God’s great love, I would be emotionally filled as this new year starts. However, Pastor Owen’s message exposed that the love I seeked from God was something I created for myself. It revealed that I was redefining God’s love to fulfill my personal desires. 

On the first night of the Gospel Revolution, Pastor Owen asked us a question following his sermon about Jesus and Zacchaeus: “Is Jesus the Lord of your heart?” The given answer is “yes, of course He is the Lord of my heart.” But, for some reason after hearing how Zacchaeus showed his heart to truly live for God by willingly giving 400% of his money to make up for his wicked past, I found it difficult to say that my heart really declared Jesus’s Lordship over my life. I felt guilty for not being able to 100% commit to God, but I couldn’t see what was stopping me from it. And then, the second night as Pastor Owen was explaining a hypothesis on why Judas betrayed Jesus he asked, “Is Jesus what you want, or do you hope to get something from Jesus that you want?” I’ll be honest. When I repeated this question to my heart there was a strong sting. My entire life, whether that was before I knew Christ or after I knew Christ, I expected something back for my actions. The reason why my faith was so volatile was because it was grounded on the fact that I was expecting what I wanted from God for believing in Him. But that’s not who God is or how His love is shown upon us. He already knows the best plan for us, and it was crucial that I had to wholeheartedly— I repeat wholeheartedly— to only trust God. Through the first two nights, God revealed the true desires inside my heart. I desperately did not want to admit it, but I still held onto my personal desires to be the best in my class and “succeed” in life while also trying to grab hold of my faith in God. I was being selfish. I was trying to fake it till I made it. 

While trying to process what God revealed in my heart, I still had a question of how God would use these past few nights for me to better understand who God is. That’s what the last Gospel Revolution sermon was about: the disciplines that we go through in our lives. Initially, I could not comprehend what was happening in my life as I entered this very dry season of spirituality. I wanted to step down from everything— school, ministry, and relationships. Still, in the midst of this storm, God gently whispered to me that Sunday that His discipline is never a punishment because the punishment has already been given. “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness” (Hebrews 12:10 NIV). Dryness did not mean that He no longer held me accountable. God was using this season to challenge me to learn to fully commit to living God’s plan for me and understand what it really means to live for Him alone. There truly is no greater love or anything in this world than God’s love for us. The purpose for God’s love for me was always directed for good. So, why can’t I solely love, trust, and be directed towards God? Why can’t I be satisfied by God alone? Just as He has shown this love for me, I believe that it’s only the right way for me to give this love back to Him. 

OC Food Bank: Learning to be a Blessing

I had the honor of serving alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ as well as other organizations in our community at the OC Food Bank earlier this month. We volunteered packaging boxes so that it could be filled with a variety of nutritious food items for low-income senior citizens. Following all of the CDC safety regulations, I was thankful I was able to catch up with friends while preparing boxes. It has been a very long time since I’ve seen most of my church friends and I am grateful we have each other during this time because of Christ. This outreach also gave me an opportunity to meet people outside of our church community.  It was a blessing to witness our church serve our community using our hands and taking action of where help was needed.

This year has been rough for many, if not, for everyone. In the midst of uncertainty and chaos, I tend to go down a spiral of worries. Worries about finance, health of the family, the future, etc. I fall into this quite a lot but God has been breaking me down by teaching me what faith is all about. In the end, God is in control, am I right? When we’re spiraling in isolation and anxiety, we have a choice to shift our minds back to God through community. What is most important in the end? Nothing but Christ. Once saved, the Holy Spirit lives in us and He is our Helper. Instead of spending time in my worries, I realized I must be His hands and feet. James 2:15-16 states, “If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” This verse really struck me in the heart and was a wakeup call.

I want to use my time on earth to be a blessing and to serve wholeheartedly with all that I have. I saw the opportunity serving at the OC Food Bank as an opportunity to serve those in need and a great witnessing opportunity for non-believers. What a great way to share the love of Christ through serving. God has created each of us in his image. In reference to P. Justin’s message on being generous, he said, “Generosity is a genuine characteristic of a child of God.” I am continuing to learn how to pursue a life being more like Jesus and to have that characteristic. To be generous, to serve, and to be a blessing.

Gospel Revolution Testimonial: God’s Grace is Bigger!

Recently, we were blessed to have Pastor Byung Ham speak at our annual Gospel Revolution. Out of the many topics he covered, the one topic that resonated in my heart was that of communal commitment. Pastor Byung asks, “How do we live out the saying ‘Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future’ and share this with the world”?

This question personally speaks to me because since giving my life to God, I wrestle with making sense of my past life, specifically my life before I had a personal relationship with God. Before I knew God at the age of 32, my life was marked by a rebellion against God. So I often find myself wrestling with questions such as: Was I running in the opposite direction of God’s will or was this somehow all a part of God’s perfectly orchestrated will?  When I think about my past, am I doing it in a matter that I am glorifying myself or glorifying the sinful acts in the past? Should I be looking back at my past with regret? Should I be completely forgetting the past since I am now a new creation?

Upon hearing Pastor Byung’s sermon, it helped me to organize my thoughts about these questions. `

Paul reminds me as he instructs the Ephesians to “Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (Ephesians 2:12-13). Clearly there is a sense in which we must remember our past failures but for what specific purpose?

Pastor Byung states “we must resolve to use our past failures for our future ministries” which led me to two applications:

1) To have a greater appreciation of God’s grace and to know that no matter how big your sins are, God’s grace is infinitely bigger. As Pastor Byung says: “it’s in our failures not our successes that God’s grace shines brightest in us and in the lives of others”.

Sometimes I think about all of my failures as being in my pre-conversion life but I often take lightly the failures of my post-conversion life and the multiple sins I commit every single day… sins in my thoughts, attitude, words, and deeds. Despite the world telling us that we are okay and we are good people, we need to remember that we are sinners. Paul writes: “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost” (1 Timothy 1:15). So not if, but when we sin, God wants us not to sweep our transgressions under the rug but to confess our sins, repent and come clean so that God may use those failures to show the magnitude of God’s grace and to use it for future ministries.

2) To be able to evangelize more effectively. One of the most fundamental commonalities we have and therefore makes it possible for us to connect with others is that we are all broken people living in a fallen world, sinners in need of grace. We need to see that all people are made in the image of God and worth dying for as Jesus died for all, and that it is not of our own doing but 100% God’s grace that allows us to believe.

God gives us the privilege of sharing the gospel to others. Therefore, in the midst of all that is wrong in the world today, we need to not merely help fix or help others get out of trouble but ultimately to offer hope that is only found in Jesus. This hope needs to start with confessing our sins to God and to each other. The world needs to hear of our brokenness and what we need saving from in order to hear of our hope.

How awesome God is to orchestrate and interweave our past failures to use it for good. Therefore, we have a responsibility to use the resource of failures that God has given us not to weigh us down but rather for us to remember our sins but only in a way if it leads us to praise God, to remember the riches of God’s grace and in turn, use it as fuel for us to press on in faith and to tell the world about our wonderful Savior.

Gospel Revolution Reflection: Mirror of Our Soul

Gospel Revolution felt different this year with the online format due to the current pandemic, and yet, even with the distance, it felt familiar. Just like in past years, Gospel Revolution was a blessed time of reflection and Holy Spirit-led inspiration with awesome praise led by UNDG. This year, Gospel Revolution gave me a chance to take a deep look at the mirror of my soul.

At first glance, my soul didn’t look too bad. The first message was about the parable of the lost sheep from Luke 15, a story that I’ve probably heard at least a hundred times by now. And yet, I’ve never really considered the cost of the shepherd leaving behind the 99 sheep to go after the one lost sheep. As Pastor Byung Ham would say, “Who does that?” Only Jesus, who took a side and paid the price to chase after us with GRACE, God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Jesus welcomed sinners and ate with them, and he embraces the very people the rest of religious society rejects. Could I do that? Maybe, after all, I’ve been learning about ways to help the marginalized through my public health school work. But could I pay the price like Jesus did? I honestly don’t think I can say yes to this question as readily as the first one. It would mean sacrificing my time and comfort and risking rejection. How can I say I would be willing to do that when I’m lazy about even small things like school assignments and when I’m a people pleaser? I’m just as lost as anyone else. After realizing that Jesus views us as that one lost sheep that is immensely worth saving and for whom he paid the ultimate price for on the cross, I was determined on the first night of Gospel Revolution to at least be more diligent about my school work and not squander the opportunity to train for the mission that he has prepared for me, to share the Gospel while serving the marginalized. 

It wasn’t until the second night and Sunday morning of Gospel Revolution that I began to really see the ugliness reflected in the mirror of my soul. As Pastor Byung implored us to come clean and accept God’s promise of complete cleansing like David did in Psalm 51, I was strongly convicted of my own sin, of being judgmental and critical of others, especially this past year, and for trying to achieve and do things on my own strength and failing miserably as a result. Like David, I needed to confess, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is before me” (vv. 1-3). Sin is a failure to live according to the image and likeness of God and putting ourselves in a place we don’t belong, in the place of God. Salvation is God putting himself in a place he doesn’t belong, in our place. It is only through the God of mercy cleansing us with Jesus’ hyssop, his blood on the cross, that our ugly, dirty souls can be made clean again, and it is only through the Creator God creating a new heart within us that we can truly repent and turn away from our sins. It is only through God’s mercy that we can turn away from self-supremacy, self-preservation, and self-justification and turn towards being the loving neighbors that God calls us to be. Lastly, it is only through confessing our sin in community that we can turn our past failures into opportunities for future ministry and worship. I hope my reflection and confession can play a small part in Bethel Grace Church’s communal commitment and testimony to the world of God’s radical love and mercy. Only Jesus can disinfect the mirror of our soul from the virus of sin and give it a clean shine that the world can see. 

The Peace We Have with Christ

The last couple of months have given me a lot of time to think. There are so many uncertainties in the times we live in. Our health, jobs, and families … our daily lives have been through a loop and it’s hard to know how our lives will have changed at the end of all of this. In all this uncertainty I found myself grasping at the constants in my life, something I could stand on and feel anchored and not in imminent danger of being overwhelmed by the times.

As a younger man I used to find more value in seeking to be looked upon well. Some of the questions going through my head were, “What will I do with my life?” “Will I be able to find a respectable profession?” “What will my friends and family think of me if I fail?” As you might imagine, many nights while lying in bed, the anxiety got so bad I wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide from it all. All the uncertainties in my life at the time felt so unmanageable that it left me paralyzed with fear. I eventually realized I had to seek something else to validate my worth.

More recently, as a married man I found myself seeking to find fulfillment and validation from my wife. As anyone that is married can attest, disappointments and hurts abound when one or both spouses in a marriage expect the other to fulfill all their respective needs.  The brokenness and expectations we both brought into our marriage led to issues in our marriage that we continue to try to work through today. I for my part had unfairly burdened my wife with propping up my ego and lack of self-confidence. I only have myself to blame for the disappointments and hurts we both have suffered because of it.

What I realized in both of the above situations was that I had not framed and addressed the issues properly. In both situations, I made myself the most important. I had become my own center and the foundation of my world. But as a Christian who’s called to an ever more sanctified life, I should first have been satisfied and fulfilled by Christ first. I have learned to exchange my broken self with God who is perfect as my center, foundation and constant. It’s only been in the situations that I sought to be satisfied in Him first that I’ve had any measure of peace (Matthew 11:28). The anxiety melts away and I’m free to love my wife as she deserves.

The path of sanctification has never been a straight line for me. I fail God over and over again. But should I remember to keep Him as my Rock and my Foundation, I know I won’t ever be lost or overwhelmed. 

Christ's Beloved Daughter

by Hope Enyart

Probably an unpopular opinion, but despite the tragedies that came with COVID-19, I really have been loving this time of quarantine. These past few years have been filled with so many changes in all aspects of my life, and as much as I feel like I’ve been doing ok, it has been a constant struggle of not burning out. On top of all the changes that I felt were already drowning me, those that know me well can attest to the fact that I’ve spent most of my adult life taking care of others. Whether that came in the form of picking students up late in the night because they ran away from home, taking food and groceries to friends who were struggling with depression and using that as an excuse to make sure that they hadn’t taken any drastic measures overnight, or just trying to be a good daughter to my parents and a good sister to my brother, I spent many of my days living for others. Without getting into details, I will put this disclaimer out there; it wasn’t simply because I’m a selfless individual and a nurturer by nature, but rather, I lived for others to satisfy my deep insecurities and find value and meaning for myself.

While I don’t regret any of these things and wouldn’t want to redo any of the past, I will say it has been exhausting and I was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually burnt out. It was difficult to find things that really mattered to me personally, I even grew complacent in my faith and found little joy in worship. God knew I needed rest and while this quarantine is an extreme form of isolation, I really thank God for giving me this time to reflect and realign my life to what He desires.

In quarantine, I’ve been able to find time away from people and spend more time investing in myself. It has been a time for me to do the things that interest me, and it has been a time for me to figure out what I need and not what others need from me. Most importantly, I’ve been able to find joy in worship and I’ve been able to find that desperation to be in the presence of God again. It has been a time for me to reflect on who I am as simply God’s beloved daughter Hope, and not Hope the teacher, Hope the friend or Hope the daughter and sister.

These months of quarantine gave me the time and distance to want to go back to church and worship in person. It gave me a moment to miss my students and a much-needed time to reflect on my relationships. In the most extreme way possible, but also the only way to really make me stop, breathe and process, it gave me time to figure out who I am in relation to the people in my life and not who I am because of the people in my life. It gave me time to remember that God defines who I am and that my identity or worth does not depend on how the people around me see or need me.

When quarantine is over and it is safe to be in the presence of people without fear of spreading COVID, I am so excited to be the best teacher, the best friend, the best daughter and sister that I can be, but without forgetting my greatest and most important responsibility of being the best child of God that I can be. I look forward to the day that I can once again pour out everything to the people around me not with my own strength, but because I am overflowed by our Father’s love and grace in my life.

It feels right to end with a verse, so I will share one that has been the anthem of my life through all the highs and lows. It is said in Ephesians 2:8-10 that is by grace alone that we have been saved and that we are His workmanship. By grace we have been saved time and time again. Who knows when the end of COVID-19 and quarantine will come, but we can be assured that through His grace, we will be saved and that everything will be done according to His purpose.